I'm not saying that to fish for compliments (you know...the whole "I'm fat" thing and the "No you're not...your so skinny!"). That is not the intent. I'm saying it because, well, I believe I am fat. Yes, I realize that I am now more than 30 lbs. under my pre-pregnancy weight (weighed in tonight at an even 143 lbs.). Since April/May, I have gone from a size 12 to a size 4 (at least at NY & Co). For the most part, I think I look and feel great...
However, I see a picture like this (from the beginning of August):
Or this (from this past Thursday):
Nope. I am not happy with it. I know that my body did an extraordinary thing just over 16 months ago. But I am not happy with the 'jelly belly' I see. The muffin top if my shirt rides up too high. I don't get the women my size and bigger that have that body confidence thing going on and not afraid to show it. That I posted the post-workout pic here is a stretch for me. Much larger than that, I would not want anyone to see.
I suppose it doesn't help matters that there are some women I follow on instragram that are fitness fanatics. I see their flat/sculpted abs and want that for myself...knowing darn well that someone in my family just can't have that.
I spent over $150 at the grocery store today with the intent of trying to do more 'clean eating'....we'll see how long I stick that one out. I only wish my husband would be more open to that idea...after all, the is the one that has dreams of competing in an Iron Man competition! I am sure a diet of fast food is not optimal for that kind of training!
I am fat. My 40th birthday is in just over six months. It really isn't that I want to lose a ton more weight. I don't. I just want to retrain the fat. Is that really too much to ask?
However, I see a picture like this (from the beginning of August):
and I am brought back to reality.
This is what I saw tonight when I looked in the mirror after my workout:
Nope. I am not happy with it. I know that my body did an extraordinary thing just over 16 months ago. But I am not happy with the 'jelly belly' I see. The muffin top if my shirt rides up too high. I don't get the women my size and bigger that have that body confidence thing going on and not afraid to show it. That I posted the post-workout pic here is a stretch for me. Much larger than that, I would not want anyone to see.
I suppose it doesn't help matters that there are some women I follow on instragram that are fitness fanatics. I see their flat/sculpted abs and want that for myself...knowing darn well that someone in my family just can't have that.
I spent over $150 at the grocery store today with the intent of trying to do more 'clean eating'....we'll see how long I stick that one out. I only wish my husband would be more open to that idea...after all, the is the one that has dreams of competing in an Iron Man competition! I am sure a diet of fast food is not optimal for that kind of training!
I am fat. My 40th birthday is in just over six months. It really isn't that I want to lose a ton more weight. I don't. I just want to retrain the fat. Is that really too much to ask?
Your belly looks way better than mine does!! You go girl!!!!
ReplyDeleteIt may be telling a different story after dinner tomorrow night!
ReplyDelete