Exhausted.

Yep...that is me.  Totally flipping exhausted.  So much overtime for the past couple of weeks and today was the day.  Actually just one of the days - but the main day that has been my primary source of overtime for the past couple of weeks...  My company's annual silent auction - it has been my 'baby' for the past couple of years.  It has absolutely worn me out, but at the same time has renewed my appreciation for my husband.  He has definitely stepped up with Stella duty since I haven't hardly been home during her awake hours...leaving before she gets up, getting home just in time to get her to bed.  Time away from her over the long weekend to get stuff done for the auction (and had to spend a couple of hours at the laundromat Sunday thanks to a dryer that gave up on life a week ago).  He has been a saint...and I think she is definitely becoming a Daddy's girl..

goals, lists, getting organized...oh my!

I am one the most disorganized people I know.  Perhaps the most disorganized.  I was diagnosed with adult ADD earlier this year...and truth be told, that's a diagnosis that should have been made years ago.  I started struggling in high school (despite the fact that up until high school I had been  considered a gifted or honors student).  I didn't go to college until my mid-20s and good lord was it a struggle for me.  If a class wasn't interesting to me at all, I just didn't do well.  At all.  No amount of studying would change that.  I finally did graduate (10 years later, and several changes in my major between the AA and BS).  I've struggled at work as well...trouble concentrating in meetings, starting projects all gungho and never following through.  Home?  Where do I begin?  Clutter, things I want to do, never get around to, difficulty staying on top of my finances, a history of immature behavior, etc.

With the 'official' diagnosis, I began prescription medication to help manage the symptoms.  And for the most part, it has helped.  My concentration has improved, my performance at work has - for the most part - improved...but I still feel...disorganized.  I feel overwhelmed.  Like I have so many things I'm juggling right now, and about to drop each and every last thing.  This was the scene at work when I went in Friday afternoon (a paid holiday for us, mind you):

That's pretty much how it has looked to varying degrees for the last month or two.  So much to do and the stuff keeps piling on.  This is a part, a big part, of what is currently overwhelming me.  I have a closet at home I want to clean out/get organized.  I want to redo our bedroom.  There are multiple projects that need to be done on our house.  I, like a good many people these days, have credit card debt.  I had actually wanted to be much farther ahead by the end of this year...but seems I've gone in the other direction between needing a whole new wardrobe, planning Shawn's national guard retirement party, making sure Stella has everything she (I) needs (want).  I did manage to reduce my car payment when I got my new Jeep...but my student loans have recently doubled.  The only thing positive I have managed to achieve this year is the weight loss/body transformation.  Working out has become my stress relief since I gave up smoking before I got pregnant, rarely drink anymore, don't socialize nearly as much, etc.  However, the amount of stuff I have going on at work is biting into my gym time...as well as my Stella/family time.  Matter of fact, over the course of this past week I had three breakdowns or near breakdowns.  Including a big ol' ugly cry Friday afternoon...I seriously was feeling like I was drowning in everything that has to be done and I'm always afraid of failing or letting people down, disappointing them or whatever...i couldn't find my work ID and I just lost it.  Shawn probably wonders from time to time who the crazy lady is that he married...can't say as I blame him.

So...I've been brainstorming...thinking on things...coming up with ideas...trying to figure things out. I do my best thinking while working out (solo...not during classes).  I've decided to come up with goals that I want to accomplish in the few years.  I figure that is a start.  Come up with the goals.  Then I will work on what I need to do to accomplish these goals.  Maybe...maybe this is what I will need to start getting things done!

My primary goals:

• Reduce debt
• Find a way to get organized at work
• Get organized at home

Actually...while the list may look small, it really isn't.   I look at the above list as 'starter goals'.  Not so much short term, but the initial goals I need to accomplish to move on to the next step.  The reduce debt part, for example...that is primarily credit card debt.  The farther reaching goal behind reduced that is having it knocked out totally by the time Stella starts kindergarten.  I also want to have a significant part of my student loans paid down in the next few years...I want to go back for a MBA...but not while I still owe a lot on my undergrad loans.  

So this is my big project...an ongoing thing - working on goals, getting organized...the lists that will surely accompany all this.  Trying to figure out the best way to tackle this.  Without, of course, getting too overwhelmed...

Hope everyone had a fabulous Thanksgiving!

Ours ended up being quite low key.  Stella hasn't been 100% this week (they have the cornucopia of illnesses at daycare right now) and didn't want to deal with that out and about.  Not only that, but my husband had the not so fun night at work Wednesday night/Thursday morning (he's a cop...biggest bar night of the year...people do not respect cops (nor themselves apparently) these days).  And he ran a 5k when he got home yesterday morning.  We didn't see my mom because she wanted to keep the peace at home (Dad's an ass and it is has been at least 5 years since I've last seen or talked to him).  Mother in law is in Atlanta for the holidays.  We could have gone to Shawn's aunt's house...but it was an early dinner and he was out until late afternoon and my family just doesn't do anything as a group anymore.  So it was just my little family.  I actually cooked (pre-seasoned pork loan, stuffing out of a box, corn from a can and mashed cauliflower (actually pretty good).  It was enough for us...especially since we don't want to overdo it when both my husband and I are working on our fitness goals.  I did have to run to McDonald's after for dessert (a hot fudge sundae...the least offense calorie-wise).   Stella enjoying her dinner:

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving...

So I'll make my second blog of the night (hey...I'm playing catch up) one listing things I am thankful for (since I slacked off on my daily thanks on Facebook).  This list is inspired by The Walking Dead (my current absolutely favorite show ever):

• My daily hot shower (actually...most days it is two...one at home, one at the gym) - I mean seriously...just the general grime that coats the characters every episode and the occasional getting drenched in the blood of the dead and the walking dead...boy do I love my hot showers!
• A working modern washer and dryer (well...once we get a new dryer this weekend).  Nearly every episode it seems the characters are in the same clothes.  Every day.  Day in, day out.  I mean...how long was Rick wearing his sheriff's uniform?  Change it up some...geez!  
• Modern medicine (although apparently it isn't likely to find a cure for whatever brought on the Walkers).  Yes...Lori was annoying as hell...but man, what a way to go!  How Hershel survived his amputation (and didn't become a Walker) is beyond me.
• Electricity in general - Not just relying on a generator...but electricity.  Uninterrupted electricity.  Maybe we rely too much on it and any thing apocalyptic could just throw is into a total tailspin once the power goes...but still (I would never survive in that scenario)...and, wouldn't you know it...the end of the world is scheduled for less thn a month away.
• Phones...all phones - Not being able to get a hold of someone when I need to drives me nuts.  I'm not talking the kind of phone calls Rick has recently received...but being able to call  if I got separated from the group, or if I'm out hunting down needed supplies, etc.  
• The internet - How else would I keep myself entertained for hours on end...because I'd lose:
• My Kindle - I mean, I could still read books on it and play angry birds as long as I can figure out how to charge it every now and then...but still.
• Calenders - I need to know what day it is.  Every day.  I use a calendar for pretty much nothing else (wonder why I can never keep track of my appointments, due dates for different things, etc.).
• Restaurants - again, this is where I would likely not be able to survive in that kind of world.  I am not so much on dining out these days...the whole fitness thing, ya know...but I still want that option!
• Grocery stores - up and running, full stocked with fresh food...perishable fresh food.  Not picking my way through trying to find something that never goes bad (especially now that there is the potential of Twinkies going away for good).

I'm sure I could add more - a lot more - to this list...but I need to go to bed.  And with that...I will add that I am thankful for my comfy flannel sheets, my tempur-pedic pillow and my fleece pjs.

reviews: some new workout clothes

I picked up these last week at Old Navy:

Clearance. $7. Love them. Compression capris. Website says $19.99 but found them at the store for $6.99. I don't have any other compression anything workout wear and I really like. Seems to keep all the...excess...from moving around. Very comfy. Thicker than the non-compression stuff.  I wore them tonight for my kettle bell and spin classes and they were great (my shoulder, however, is apparently a different story). I may try other items from the ON Active collection. Maybe I can finally find a sports bra that truly works like I want it to. Which brings me to this:


I have been struggling finding a sports bra that works for me.  Especially post-baby, after weight loss/body changes, etc.  My bra size has gone from a high of 40E when pregnant to it's pre-pregnancy size of 38DD to most recently sized at 34DD (I think I am going to get resized in a few weeks).  I bought the above bra (Moving Comfort Vixen) about a month ago after getting some recs.  As a whole, it's not too bad...better than everything I currently had on hand...and for the most part and my activity, I guess it does work well.  However, when doing jump jacks or the like, there is still more movement than I'd like.  Not nearly as bad as with the other styles/brands I've tried, but not perfect either.  I will continue my search for the perfect (for me) sports bra.

We are on the verge of the holiday season...

The worst time of the year.  I don't so much have to worry about the family get togethers and such...but still.  It is the busiest time of the year at work.  There seem to be more goodies all around and more to come as everyone starts to flex their baking muscles.  It just seems I don't have the time I need to spend at the gym nor the will power to turn down most of what crosses my path.  I seem to have gotten off track over the past few weeks, but I am hoping that by putting it in black and white right here - putting it out there on the internet - I can get myself back on track...I can right this wrong before it goes too wrong...  I am lucky that I have a husband that understands my need to get/keep in shape, I just wish his schedule worked better with mine.  And I wish I didn't have the guilt I do at spending so much time away from Stella by going to the gym outside of my normal hours.  It is so hard...but I need to do this.  For me.  Not or anyone else...just me.

Movie Review: Skyfall (James Bond)

Last night was our once every month or two date night (yay!!) and we had this one planned in advance since it was opening weekend for the latest installment in the James Bond series (we love 007...I even bought the hubs the entire collection for Christmas one year and each time a new one comes out on video, I add to that collection).

I love Daniel Craig as James Bond.  When he was first announced as the latest Bond....I wasn't thrilled (and at that time, I didn't know who the heck he even was).  Not a fan of blonde men and it just didn't seem fitting that James Bond would be a blonde.  However, I saw Casino Royale and instant fan of Daniel Craig as James Bond.  In my opinion, he kinda took away that cheesiness factor that always seemed to be a small part of the whole James Bond franchise.  A tougher 007.  Not so much about banging as many chicks as possible.  I loved LOVED Casino Royale.  Quantum of Solace wasn't bad either...but the action in the one was nearly enough to leave a person exhausted.  Skyfall, however...

I've thought about this over the last 24 hours.  It was...okay.  But it wasn't what I would consider to be a great James Bond movie.  Some element was missing...can't exactly put my finger on it...but something was just not right.  Many of the reviews I saw, or the headlines of those reviews at least said this was the best Bond movie ever.  Um...not in my opinion.  It was very far removed from typical Bond save for the over the top Bond villain (Javier Bardiem...dude was extremely creeptastic).  Maybe if it was packaged as something other than a 007 movie I might have liked it more...or just not have bothered.  I don't want to give away the ending, but we were disappointed...saddened even.  New characters...and new faces for familiar characters were introduced.  Some a breath of fresh air...others?  A little on the snaggle tooth side.

I'm curious to see what the next one will be like a few years from now.  I'm assuming that it will likely be Daniel Craig's last turn at Bond since he is getting too old for the role.

On a side note...we saw the movie in a Rave Extreme theater.  Apparently it is supposed to be comparable to IMAX.  Had we not go there so late (awesome dinner before hand that led to us getting to the theater right before show time) and sat further back (we were right in front) it would probably have been worth the few extra bucks for the tickets.  But as it was, seat backs were directly in our view of the screen and that was rather annoying.  And with a screen that huge, and sitting that close up...kind of a pain in the ass.  A lot of the scenes in the movie were dark so that when daylight or a fire appeared on the screen, it was nearly blinding.  Not so good.

eBook Reviews: No Turning Back and Turn to Me (Kathleen Turner series by Tiffany Snow)

This past summer, I jumped on the bandwagon and read the 50 Shades trilogy.  Seems every woman in the country was doing the same...and even though I typically don't do what everyone else is doing, I did it anyway.  It was...okay.  Definitely not the norm for me, but I read it anyway.  The writing, as I am sure many will attest to, was less than stellar.  Very repetitive and rather unimaginative (especially given the subject matter).  Anyway...

I stumbled across 'No Turning Back' via the Pixel of Ink newsletter.  Yep...it was a free download.  Still isn't what I would typically read...it's a bit of the 'romance' genre, with action thrown in.  Actually, this is more like how 50 Shades should have been to make it a little more interesting (in my opinion).  More action (the only action, really, in the 50 Shades trilogy was the kinky sex and it really wasn't that impressive...at least not impressively written).  People are killed.  There's a little of the 'whodunnit' going on in addition to the romance/love triangle.  There are some similarities to 50 Shades - the female lead (Kathleen) is young, naive (not the virgin that Anastasia was, but just about)...the male lead (Blane) a wealthy playboy (and the secondary male lead (Kade) - his younger half-brother, also wealthy, also gorgeous).  While Blane does not have the long list of subs, he does have a reputation as a bit of a womanizer with at least one former fling (Kandi with an i) holding a grudge against him.  The trouble Kathleen is constantly finding herself in is a wee bit on the unreal side...but I guess it is what it is.  Wasn't digging the names Kade and Blane...worse than soap opera names of the 80s and 90s...but whatev.

So yes, I admit, I liked it.  As mentioned, 'No Turning Back' was a free download...and then I paid $4 to download the second in the series - 'Turn to Me' - and now I am anxiously awaiting the third installment in the series, available at Christmas.

And one minor gripe about the second installment:  I realize that not everyone reading that has read the first...but I found it rather annoying all the excessive explanations the author felt the need to make for the benefit of those that had read the first.  It got to the point I was skipping over paragraphs and perhaps even a page here and there.

eBook Review: Little Sacrifices (Jamie Scott)

Just finished this one tonight - another free (at the time, currently $2.99) download from my Pixel of Ink newsletter.

The story is definitely a change of pace from the normal zombie apocalypse, murder mysteries, tales of the supernatural I can typically be found reading.  The setting is Savannah in the late 1940s with the primary character a 16-year-old girl who had moved with her parents (who possessed rather radical ideas for that time - her father is a history professor with bold ideas, especially for someone newly transplanted in the deep South) from Massachusetts.

The story is actually told in first person - the teenager (May).  For the most part, there is nothing extraordinary about it.  However, it really wasn't a bad read.  The one year covered in the book predates the civil rights, but that does tie into the book...although nearly as an afterthought, just one small part of May's life.  Another side story are the love letters and diaries she finds in the house belong to the former (now deceased) resident and they eventually tie into someone May has grown close to.  Teen pregnancy, sexual abuse, and abortion (of the illegal variety...remember, it was the last 40s) also have small roles in the story.

Again...not a bad read, a nice change from the norm for me.  I didn't find it difficult to follow, not too many misses in editing (which I see too frequently with eBooks), despite no big plot twists, suspense, etc., it wasn't what I would call boring.  I would recommend it to others.