I am one the most disorganized people I know. Perhaps
the most disorganized. I was diagnosed with adult ADD earlier this year...and truth be told, that's a diagnosis that should have been made years ago. I started struggling in high school (despite the fact that up until high school I had been considered a gifted or honors student). I didn't go to college until my mid-20s and good lord was it a struggle for me. If a class wasn't interesting to me at all, I just didn't do well. At all. No amount of studying would change that. I finally did graduate (10 years later, and several changes in my major between the AA and BS). I've struggled at work as well...trouble concentrating in meetings, starting projects all gungho and never following through. Home? Where do I begin? Clutter, things I want to do, never get around to, difficulty staying on top of my finances, a history of immature behavior, etc.
With the 'official' diagnosis, I began prescription medication to help manage the symptoms. And for the most part, it has helped. My concentration has improved, my performance at work has - for the most part - improved...but I still feel...disorganized. I feel overwhelmed. Like I have so many things I'm juggling right now, and about to drop each and every last thing. This was the scene at work when I went in Friday afternoon (a paid holiday for us, mind you):
That's pretty much how it has looked to varying degrees for the last month or two. So much to do and the stuff keeps piling on. This is a part, a big part, of what is currently overwhelming me. I have a closet at home I want to clean out/get organized. I want to redo our bedroom. There are multiple projects that need to be done on our house. I, like a good many people these days, have credit card debt. I had actually wanted to be much farther ahead by the end of this year...but seems I've gone in the other direction between needing a whole new wardrobe, planning Shawn's national guard retirement party, making sure Stella has everything she (I) needs (want). I did manage to reduce my car payment when I got my new Jeep...but my student loans have recently doubled. The only thing positive I have managed to achieve this year is the weight loss/body transformation. Working out has become my stress relief since I gave up smoking before I got pregnant, rarely drink anymore, don't socialize nearly as much, etc. However, the amount of stuff I have going on at work is biting into my gym time...as well as my Stella/family time. Matter of fact, over the course of this past week I had three breakdowns or near breakdowns. Including a big ol' ugly cry Friday afternoon...I seriously was feeling like I was drowning in everything that has to be done and I'm always afraid of failing or letting people down, disappointing them or whatever...i couldn't find my work ID and I just lost it. Shawn probably wonders from time to time who the crazy lady is that he married...can't say as I blame him.
So...I've been brainstorming...thinking on things...coming up with ideas...trying to figure things out. I do my best thinking while working out (solo...not during classes). I've decided to come up with goals that I want to accomplish in the few years. I figure that is a start. Come up with the goals. Then I will work on what I need to do to accomplish these goals. Maybe...maybe this is what I will need to start getting things done!
My primary goals:
- Reduce debt
- Find a way to get organized at work
- Get organized at home
Actually...while the list may look small, it really isn't. I look at the above list as 'starter goals'. Not so much short term, but the initial goals I need to accomplish to move on to the next step. The reduce debt part, for example...that is primarily credit card debt. The farther reaching goal behind reduced that is having it knocked out totally by the time Stella starts kindergarten. I also want to have a significant part of my student loans paid down in the next few years...I want to go back for a MBA...but not while I still owe a lot on my undergrad loans.
So this is my big project...an ongoing thing - working on goals, getting organized...the lists that will surely accompany all this. Trying to figure out the best way to tackle this. Without, of course, getting too overwhelmed...
